When Michael arrived for his photo shoot for THRILLER, two men accompanied him impeccably dressed in suits, who sat over to the side on some cushy couches and watched his every move.

Since this was the first time I worked with him, it didn’t feel appropriate for me to ask who they could possibly be. I thought if he wanted us to know, he would have told us. I just felt their presence throughout the entire day.  They left with him as mysteriously as they had entered with him.  At the time I really did not give it another thought, because I had no idea of the adventure that was ahead of me.

The next shoot, there again…a mysterious gentleman, sitting in the background.

As our working relationship and friendship began to grow, I asked. He explained to me he was a Jehovah’s Witness.  He was very active with the church, and these gentlemen were monitors.  They watched over him.  He also explained he went to bible study, and spent time going door-to-door teaching the word each week.  I had to take pause for a minute and think about that one….

THRILLER had been released by the time he was explaining this to me.  “You mean to tell me, that you ring someone’s doorbell, they come to answer it, and there stands Michael Jackson??????”

He gave me one of his hi pitched belly laughs…and said, “yeah”. He further explained that he does it in disguise.

“Oh no you don’t.”

Still giggling, he paused and got amusingly serious. “Yeah, sure. After they let me in, they usually begin to look at me funny, so I end up admitting who I am.”

“Wow, I wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch that.  I still can’t believe you do that.” I said.

“It is a big part of being a Jehovah’s Witness. We also do not celebrate holidays or birthdays.  We believe that we should honor and celebrate these things daily, and not have just one day.”

So I asked “No birthdays. No Christmas?”

“No” he replied.

“Isn’t that difficult, when the world around you is decorating and singing carols?”.

“Yes, Turkle…it is always kind of sad, especially when I was a child, because it looked like so much fun.  But it is okay; we have things like FAMILY DAY, where we all get together.  There are hundreds of Jackson’s and we all try and be there.”

I could genuinely see the sadness in his eyes and the sense his feeling of loss, not celebrating Christmas with the other kids…so I changed the subject.

One August 29^th, we ended up working.  Everyone was wishing him Happy Birthday and giving him little presents. He smiled and graciously accepted them.  Once we were in the privacy of the trailer, he put the gifts down on the seat, and looked down at them.

“I wish people wouldn’t do that.  Please promise me, Turkle, don’t EVER say Happy Birthday to me.”

I was torn.  I once again saw how sad and conflicted he was on the inside about this, but he remained loyal to his beliefs.  It was so difficult for me too.  I wanted to give him a present and a big birthday hug every time August 29^th rolled around, and join in with the others who were celebrating his birthday around him.  I also wanted to comply with his request not to even SAY happy birthday.

We were shooting SMOOTH CRIMINAL.  I was accustomed to the monitors by now.  The filming was going on longer than planned, as usual. We were preparing for a very big scene.  Michael was surrounded by the alien battalion in a gully, built on stage 14.

The special weapons and ammunition team had briefed Michael on how to hold the machine gun and fire it.  It was the last scene of the evening.  Michael was having fun with it, like a little boy playing army.  He took a strong stance, and fired as the cameras rolled.

That was a wrap for that evening, and we were given our call time for the next morning.

Michael was a little late arriving the next day. I was waiting in his trailer.  He walked in so distraught. I didn’t understand, we were having so much fun the night before.  He was silent as he sat in the makeup chair.  I had to ask him please tell me. Please tell me what is wrong.

His eyes welled up with tears.  “Mother called last night.  The church called her, and told her that I held and fired a gun yesterday.  They ordered that I have to make decision.  I must leave the church, or leave the entertainment industry.”  He was weeping as he uttered those words.

I was quite mortified.  “What did your mother advise you to do?”

“She felt horrible.  She told me it was up to me. She said she would stand by me with whatever I decided.”

“I see, you are here today”.

“Yes”

“Mother is supporting my choice”.

It took a while for Michael to adjust to his choice.  He continued to feel uncomfortable with his birthday, but attended fan events in his honor, and truly enjoyed them.

When I was around him during Christmas, he would hide in his own closet to secretly wrap presents.  He still held a tinge of guilt.  I knew it was difficult for him, but I know he loved all the decorations that NEVER came down.  He could freely give his children the birthdays that he never had.  I knew deep down inside the Jehovah Witness teachings continued to hold a sacred place inside of him.  That is why I was forever torn by not saying “Happy Birthday”. He never released me from my promise to not say it to him.

When I began my career, I was not really conscious of the dynamic of this phenomenon. The more I observed others working in my profession, and the assistants that I was training; it was interesting to watch this process.  Confidence in myself gave me the power to cross the space of comfort that others created around themselves.  If I was going to be successful, I had to do this very quickly. I had to actually touch them to get them ready.  It was even more important for the person, my client, to FEEL comfortable with me doing this.  I soon began to realize that it was far more important for me to make my client FEEL beautiful than it was for me to make them to look beautiful. When they were done in my makeup chair, they had to go out and face an audience, or the camera. They had to feel confident within.

I became aware of a very real exchange of energy.  I noticed that many makeup artists try to break the barrier with words, using incessant babble. In a situation where a client has to remain focused on their job, this is incredibly annoying.  This may work in a beauty salon where folks go for the gossip, but where true artists are connecting with the creative forces…this just isn’t thoughtful.

People always ask me, why did Michael choose you to work with?  I think the answer lies within AWARENESS.  There is a common awareness of this energy.  There is an exchange of energy between all things.

It was only after working with many other celebrities and creating relationships with others, I noticed that this energy does not always flow equally. Sometimes I came home completely drained from working with someone.  I felt that some sucked the life out of me.  Sometimes I felt equalized.  I felt the exchange was a give and take.

Here is my EXPERIENCE with TRUTH. Did you ever feel just too tired or sick to go to work? Or maybe something dramatic happened in your life, which made it difficult to go to work.  After 27 years, I had days like that, even with Michael.

BUT once I enter the room, where Michael was, I was immediately bathed in energy. He was constantly GIVING energy.  He was not doing anything, but being there. He didn’t have to dance or sing.  You could also see, everyone in the room was affected by this energy also.  I never left a job working with Michael depleted. I left inspired. I know all of you have felt it too.

Michael taught me to choose a seat next to someone who has built a wall around them, and try to break through it with the energy of love.

Michael was headlining two benefit concerts for the International Red Cross, Nelson Mandela’s Children’s Fund, and UNESCO. MICHAEL JACKSON AND FRIENDS. The roster of performers and their entourage flew from Seoul, Korea where the first concert was held, to Munich on a chartered plane. It was such a wonderful flight because we were able to spend some time and get to know everyone. There were performers from all over the world. We arrived at the Munich Olympic Stadium in the afternoon on June 27, 1999 to prepare for Michael’s evening appearance. Michael introduced Andrea Bocelli in the late afternoon. The sun was setting. The darkness changed the entire feeling of the arena. It was a hot summer evening. The crowd had been enjoying performances by other artists all day: Luther Vandross, The Kelly Brothers, Ringo Starr… but it seemed the audience was waiting for Michael. The excitement was building. Magically, the stage was being transformed with emerging walls of lights, screens and equipment that had been created for Michael’s show, that were hidden behind the other performances. Michael Jackson, Michael Bush and myself were using the last minutes to take care some details in the dressing room, just stage right. A long check list: Microphones, wires, wardrobe changes, towels, song list, ice, Gatorade, fans, grease paints, powder. Michael did some stretches to warm up, as the lights lowered in the house. I could feel the energy of anticipation the crowd directed towards us. Any hint of Michael’s appearance created excited chaos in the crowd. He would peek out at the audience from behind the curtains. The band came up the back stairs. Michael met them for the traditional prayer joining their hands. The show began with all the frenzy and excitement that they all did. We have been doing this for many years. After I prepared for the next change, I watched from stage right. Everything was going perfectly…. the medley…Beat It…Black or White with Slash…Billie Jean. The local performers for Earth Song started filing on stage. Earth Song began… then the bridge appeared, just as it had done in Korea. The children and adults slowly entered and filled the stage. The song builds…. Michael flies up the bridge and gyrates and pounds his feet, twirls as the bridge lifts away from its braces. Smoke, explosions, bombard our eyes and ears…the bridge continues higher and higher, but unlike rehearsals, and the last show…. it didn’t pause at its pinnacle… INSTEAD it came careening down gaining speed with Michael tightly grasping the railings… still singing. I started screaming, but I could not even hear my own voice over the pyro, music, and the audience. I started running out from behind the stage in horror as the bridge quickly disappeared below the front of the stage, slamming down on the concrete floor. Security grabbed and stopped me, thinking I was going to ruin the performance. Backstage, there was crying and screaming, only the crew and performers knew there was something desperately wrong. From our vantage point we had lost sight of Michael, as the bridge had fallen below the front of the stage. My heart stopped beating, while in the strong arms of a perplexed security guard. Even though the show continued for everyone else, time stood still for me, as I could not imagine how Michael could have survived such a fall. But slowly, and after what seemed like an eternity, as the music and applause continued, I saw one arm reach for the floor of the stage…then a long lean leg, another arm, another leg…he was up, center stage… finishing the end of Earth Song! My mouth dropped open in relieved amazement. Looking dazed, he made his way to our side of the stage. “Michael, sit down….” ”NO!” He demanded. ”Security… please get him to the hospital!” I was begging. “NO!” He grabbed the microphone and ran out to finish performing “You Are Not Alone”. I could not believe what I was witnessing. He finished the song, took his final bow, and returned once again to his stage dressing room and then… collapsed. Security whisked him off to a hospital in Munich. Band members, dancers, Slash and crewmembers all shocked and amazed at what we had witnessed wrapped up the show with prayers in our hearts. Once back in the hotel… I started making the phone calls to find out how he was. I got the reports that nothing was broken, but he was badly bruised, and his back was very badly strained. It had been a miracle. Being the performer he was, he knew how to land. The next day we were to leave for Paris for a photo shoot. This had been postponed until he was better. I asked him…why did you continue? I cannot believe you were able to do that. ”You know Turkle, the only thing that I heard in my head, was my father’s voice saying to me, MICHEAL, DON’T DISAPPOINT THE AUDIENCE!

Think about what you are thinking about. You can choose your thoughts.

To go one better, maybe we could stop thinking.  Our spiritual self dwells in the NOW, not in the past or future.  An empty mind is God’s creative workshop.

Our first scene took place in a smelly hotel room in Skid Row in LA. Cameras, lights and speakers were all crammed into a small space.  Michael’s position was first lying, and then sitting on a grungy bed.  He was wearing a cute little white t-shirt with what looked like piano keys on it, and red jammy bottoms. Then he was directed, by Bob Giraldi to rise, walk and then stare into the camera lens located in the narrow doorway.  Being Michael Jackson’s make up artist required me to stay close by.  The only space for me was sitting on a chest of drawers, next to the camera. The lens was actually crossing above my legs and barely missing my nose.

Michael nodded his head, in acknowledgement that he was ready and understood his marks.  Playback began.  The music was deafening and the beat vibrated the entire hotel.

I would have fallen off of my seat, if there had been room to fall.  The shy guy I had known for all these month suddenly turned into someone I hadn’t met before.  The look he gave into the camera, the sexy snarl, was nothing like the person I knew up to that point. He became the music.

This was my first lesson of what a true artist was. I was fascinated by the transformation. How could someone’s nature be completely altered?  When we talked about it, he explained, “it isn’t me”.  He said it was God, coming through him.

This brings me to the journey.  My journey at least, and maybe you would like to take a stroll down this path for a moment.

Echart Tolle said  “What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am.

After my experience with Michael, I realized when I was creating, whether it be doing makeup and hair, or painting, when I was using my gift, I was in a state of being that was totally present and connected to what could be termed as God, (as Michael explained it) or plugged into the universe.  I experience the most blissful, peaceful, and perfect place of being in this transformed state.

That explains why Michael was more at peace in front of thousands of people on stage, than he was in his daily reality.

I find that my mind, “the voice in my head” often stands in the way of my joy.

What a wonderful realization (gift) Michael put in my pocket at such a young age.  You are now meeting me at the intersection. I am passing the gift to you. LYM

As a child, I would get lost in a blank piece of paper and a crayon. I was tall and geeky in kindergarten and elementary school. I was completely ignored until I was in art class. The teacher who frowned at me during arithmetic class, gloated over my art work. At the end of High School, I ended up winning a complete scholarship to art school, but I did not follow my gift.

I tried modeling, because I was tall and became gangly when I became a teenager.  That was fun of course. It gave me the attention and confidence that I desperately needed, emerging from a chubby pubescent.  The initial novelty wore off. The ruthless reality and shallowness of competition over physical attributes became apparent.  I lost the joy in strutting my stuff in front of photographers and down runways. It wasn’t until I began repairing my own makeup and hair, after the experts were done with me, that the other models took notice of my additional talent.  They wanted me to fix them up too, so they would drag me into the bathroom and I fixed them too.  I found my joy.  I had so much more fun behind closed doors doing everyones make-up and hair, than I did in front of the camera. My lightbulb moment didn’t hit me until I was in my twenties.

When I found my gift, my entire life suddenly began to fall into place.  I enrolled in cosmetology school for evening classes, and the demand for my talent began to grow during the day.  On a modeling interview, I met the top celebrity photographer Dick Zimmerman. When he hired me as a model, I had the chance to tell him that I was really a make-up artist.  We got along so well, he decided to try me out.  Bingo!  I was in the right place, at the right time, with all the skills to get the job of my dreams.  Dick called me for all his jobs, with the top celebrities.  Then, not unlike any of his other calls for me to come in for work, he booked me to shoot an album cover with Michael Jackson.  The next 27 years of my life were forever to become magic.

But I am not here to talk about the last 30 years.  I am here to talk about today and tomorrow.  Michael showed me the world, and he taught me so much, I cannot let his death be the end of Michael’s ability to give.  Michael filled my pockets with so many gifts. I cannot sing and dance, but he believed in me and the talents that I brought to his career.  I must now share them.  After being completely traumatized by my loss….the worlds loss, it took me a year to be clear about one of the biggest lessons he taught me.  Share your gifts.

So I am here, with all of you, to continue the journey that Michael began for me. I do not know exactly where the path is leading, but I am confident that magic happens when you know what your gift is….and I know my gift was Michael.

Welcome to my journey.

Karen