Karen Faye – A Life Intersected

Michael dedicated his entire life to sharing what was in his heart at all costs. He was an expert at hiding his own pain, so he could serve others.  This is a story I wrote a while back that illustrates how many of those working on THIS IS IT, the crew and many staff, never saw his pain.  Michael was being threatened, but he also had a deep feeling of responsibility to his family and fans to bring what moments of joy he could, to a world that was experiencing so much pain, from financial strife, war and to environmental destruction.  As soon as Michael left his dressing room…it was Showtime.

Michael was headlining two benefit concerts for the International Red Cross, Nelson Mandela’s Children’s Fund, and UNESCO. MICHAEL JACKSON AND FRIENDS. The roster of performers and their entourage flew from Seoul, Korea where the first concert was held, to Munich on a chartered plane. It was such a wonderful flight because we were able to spend some time and get to know everyone. There were performers from all over the world. We arrived at the Munich Olympic Stadium in the afternoon on June 27, 1999 to prepare for Michael’s evening appearance. Michael introduced Andrea Bocelli in the late afternoon. The sun was setting. The darkness changed the entire feeling of the arena. It was a hot summer evening. The crowd had been enjoying performances by other artists all day: Luther Vandross, The Kelly Brothers, Ringo Starr… but it seemed the audience was waiting for Michael. The excitement was building. Magically, the stage was being transformed with emerging walls of lights, screens and equipment that had been created for Michael’s show, that were hidden behind the other performances. Michael Jackson, Michael Bush and myself were using the last minutes to take care some details in the dressing room, just stage right. A long check list: Microphones, wires, wardrobe changes, towels, song list, ice, Gatorade, fans, grease paints, powder. Michael did some stretches to warm up, as the lights lowered in the house. I could feel the energy of anticipation the crowd directed towards us. Any hint of Michael’s appearance created excited chaos in the crowd. He would peek out at the audience from behind the curtains. The band came up the back stairs. Michael met them for the traditional prayer joining their hands. The show began with all the frenzy and excitement that they all did. We have been doing this for many years. After I prepared for the next change, I watched from stage right. Everything was going perfectly…. the medley…Beat It…Black or White with Slash…Billie Jean. The local performers for Earth Song started filing on stage. Earth Song began… then the bridge appeared, just as it had done in Korea. The children and adults slowly entered and filled the stage. The song builds…. Michael flies up the bridge and gyrates and pounds his feet, twirls as the bridge lifts away from its braces. Smoke, explosions, bombard our eyes and ears…the bridge continues higher and higher, but unlike rehearsals, and the last show…. it didn’t pause at its pinnacle… INSTEAD it came careening down gaining speed with Michael tightly grasping the railings… still singing. I started screaming, but I could not even hear my own voice over the pyro, music, and the audience. I started running out from behind the stage in horror as the bridge quickly disappeared below the front of the stage, slamming down on the concrete floor. Security grabbed and stopped me, thinking I was going to ruin the performance. Backstage, there was crying and screaming, only the crew and performers knew there was something desperately wrong. From our vantage point we had lost sight of Michael, as the bridge had fallen below the front of the stage. My heart stopped beating, while in the strong arms of a perplexed security guard. Even though the show continued for everyone else, time stood still for me, as I could not imagine how Michael could have survived such a fall. But slowly, and after what seemed like an eternity, as the music and applause continued, I saw one arm reach for the floor of the stage…then a long lean leg, another arm, another leg…he was up, center stage… finishing the end of Earth Song! My mouth dropped open in relieved amazement. Looking dazed, he made his way to our side of the stage. “Michael, sit down….” ”NO!” He demanded. ”Security… please get him to the hospital!” I was begging. “NO!” He grabbed the microphone and ran out to finish performing “You Are Not Alone”. I could not believe what I was witnessing. He finished the song, took his final bow, and returned once again to his stage dressing room and then… collapsed. Security whisked him off to a hospital in Munich. Band members, dancers, Slash and crewmembers all shocked and amazed at what we had witnessed wrapped up the show with prayers in our hearts. Once back in the hotel… I started making the phone calls to find out how he was. I got the reports that nothing was broken, but he was badly bruised, and his back was very badly strained. It had been a miracle. Being the performer he was, he knew how to land. The next day we were to leave for Paris for a photo shoot. This had been postponed until he was better. I asked him…why did you continue? I cannot believe you were able to do that. ”You know Turkle, the only thing that I heard in my head, was my father’s voice saying to me, MICHEAL, DON’T DISAPPOINT THE AUDIENCE!

The voice inside my head is not mySelf.  It is my brain. My brain is an organ within my body, like my liver, my stomach, and my heart, all designed to keep my physical body alive. My brain is a survival mechanism.  It is there to keep me alive.  All the thoughts within my brain are the sum of all my experiences.  It is my conscious mind, my ego.  It is a computer that has recorded everything that my senses have experienced. More importantly, it has recorded my painful experiences most vividly, so it can steer me away from everything that may hurt me ever again in the future. My brain is reactive.  It is on automatic. Our thoughts are deceptive.  That is, until we realize we (our spiritual Self) can control our brain, our thoughts. If we think negative thoughts, we create unhappy lives for ourselves.  We can sit in a corner all day and think all kinds of horrible things about others and ourselves.  Or we can choose to think of positive things. We can look at what is good.

Think about what you are thinking about. You can choose your thoughts.

To go one better, maybe we could stop thinking.  Our spiritual self dwells in the NOW, not in the past or future.  An empty mind is God’s creative workshop.

The filming of BEAT IT was the first time I experienced Michael Jackson actually performing.  Up to this point, our work together was quiet and in the more intimate surroundings of photo shoots.  It was 1983.  Michael was extremely shy, soft spoken and gracious.

Our first scene took place in a smelly hotel room in Skid Row in LA. Cameras, lights and speakers were all crammed into a small space.  Michael’s position was first lying, and then sitting on a grungy bed.  He was wearing a cute little white t-shirt with what looked like piano keys on it, and red jammy bottoms. Then he was directed, by Bob Giraldi to rise, walk and then stare into the camera lens located in the narrow doorway.  Being Michael Jackson’s make up artist required me to stay close by.  The only space for me was sitting on a chest of drawers, next to the camera. The lens was actually crossing above my legs and barely missing my nose.

Michael nodded his head, in acknowledgement that he was ready and understood his marks.  Playback began.  The music was deafening and the beat vibrated the entire hotel.

I would have fallen off of my seat, if there had been room to fall.  The shy guy I had known for all these month suddenly turned into someone I hadn’t met before.  The look he gave into the camera, the sexy snarl, was nothing like the person I knew up to that point. He became the music.

This was my first lesson of what a true artist was. I was fascinated by the transformation. How could someone’s nature be completely altered?  When we talked about it, he explained, “it isn’t me”.  He said it was God, coming through him.

This brings me to the journey.  My journey at least, and maybe you would like to take a stroll down this path for a moment.

Echart Tolle said  “What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am.

After my experience with Michael, I realized when I was creating, whether it be doing makeup and hair, or painting, when I was using my gift, I was in a state of being that was totally present and connected to what could be termed as God, (as Michael explained it) or plugged into the universe.  I experience the most blissful, peaceful, and perfect place of being in this transformed state.

That explains why Michael was more at peace in front of thousands of people on stage, than he was in his daily reality.

I find that my mind, “the voice in my head” often stands in the way of my joy.

What a wonderful realization (gift) Michael put in my pocket at such a young age.  You are now meeting me at the intersection. I am passing the gift to you. LYM